Cutting someone out of your life may seem harsh and insensitive, especially if there’s a strong emotional bond. But if a relationship has got a negative effect on your health, sanity, and well-being, and all attempts to change it yield no results, then walking away might be the only option left.

Here are 10 behaviours that if unchangeable, could indicate that it's time to let go and move on:

1. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗱𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 - You feel trapped, controlled, and unable to be your authentic self. This form of control can also be subtle and passive, for example, a person who tries to keep you dependent on them so that they can have power over you.

2. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵 - Perhaps you struggle to trust this person because they have lied to you many times in the past. Keep in mind that lying can also be passive. An example of this is deliberately withholding important information or details that you needed to know. The bottom line is that this person has repeatedly broken your trust and chooses not to be transparent with you.

3. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 - The other person doesn’t seem to value your relationship/friendship. For example, they keep forgetting about dates and arrangements, and they consistently put other people and commitments above you. If you’ve discussed this issue with them and they still treat you like you're not a priority, then it’s clear that the relationship is one-sided. While being busy is a normal part of life, this person doesn’t seem to have any time on their schedule for you at all.

4. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 - In this case, it might appear that your friend, partner or family member has “the best intentions for you,” but actually, they don’t. This controlling and limiting behaviour is a sign that they are scared, scared of what might happen if they don't limit and control you. They don’t want you to change and reach your full potential, because that will make them feel left behind and inferior. They don’t want to see you happy, for that will reflect their own unhappiness. They don’t want you to take risks and live life to its fullest, because that will force them to reconsider their own life choices. As a result, you might feel like you have to dim your own light in order to blend in.

5. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 - You’ve tried being your authentic self around this person, but you’ve been met with coldness, criticism, or judgment. As a result, you may have resorted to hiding behind a mask instead, pretending to be someone that you’re not. You might even realize that you have forgotten who you truly are. Upon deeper reflection, you might become aware of a deep sense of resentment because of having to give up your authentic self for the other person.

6. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗱 - The other person shows little to no interest in your thoughts, needs, and desires. Even when you try to express them, they seem uninterested or they might not even listen at all. Life seems to revolve around them and whenever you try to draw a conversation towards yourself, this person will try to bring the focus back to them. They might even make decisions without taking your feelings and desires into consideration. You may have spoken to the person about this in the past, but nothing has changed. This person has a “me first, you second” attitude.

7. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆 - No matter what you do or say, this person is always negative and unhappy. They might criticize, judge, and complain about things all the time. They are rarely in the mood to be adventurous and fun, and they tend to spoil the fun for others. You always seem to go away feeling miserable after spending time with this person. You might even begin to realize that the constant negativity is starting to rub off on you. Although it's quite normal to dip into a negative space from time to time, this seems to be a chronic state for this person.

8. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 - Being with this person changes you into a negative version of yourself. This might affect your relationships with other people, and even the relationship with yourself. Upon deeper self-reflection, you might realize that you don't like who you've become.

9. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗹𝘆 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝘆 - You feel smothered by this person, there is little to no respect for your boundaries and they don’t give you space. This person seems to constantly demand attention, pampering, affection, help, and favours from you. Perhaps you’ve tried encouraging this person to stand on their own two feet, but it seems as if that’s never going to happen.

10. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 - Any form of abuse is a serious issue. Keep in mind that abuse isn't always physical, it can be verbal, emotional, and psychological too. If a person breaks down your self-worth and confidence, controls you and takes away your freedom, shows you little to no respect, causes you physical or emotional harm, manipulates you etc. It should be taken very seriously. If you want to walk away and the situation is volatile and dangerous, please seek help and support before taking any actions.

Keep in mind that as much as we would like to simply cut people out of our lives if they are causing us trouble, it should be the last resort, unless of course, the situation is severe. The first step should be to try and work through the issues and bring healing to the relationship. But if this doesn't work and the relationship remains unhealthy with no change, then it might be time to consider bringing the relationship to an end.

We must also be careful not to use the act of cutting people out of our lives as an excuse to run away from confronting our own issues. Things like our own unresolved wounds, fears, and negative beliefs are revealed to us in our close relationships. These issues come to the surface and affect the dynamic of the relationship, and if we don't deal with them, we might be able to leave the discomfort of the current relationship, but those unresolved issues will simply follow us to the next one and recreate a similar dynamic. So before you decide to walk away, think deeply about the reason for wanting to do so. Are you simply running away from your own unresolved issues that are being revealed in this relationship dynamic?

If you have already spoken to the person about these issues, and they have expressed their sincere willingness to change and heal (not empty words to try and manipulate you), you then have to keep in mind that it’s difficult to change and that it will take time, so your love, support, and understanding will go a long way. This doesn’t mean that you have to be their doormat and excuse their negative behaviour, not at all. It simply means that reinventing yourself doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a process that will take time and effort. Whether or not you are going to stick around for that is your personal decision. As long as the person is trying hard and putting in the effort, there’s hope. As the saying goes, “Don’t rehash a person's past mistakes when they are trying to change. That's like throwing rocks at them while they are struggling to climb a mountain.”

I hope that this post helps you to bring about the necessary changes that are needed to either repair your relationships, or to remove unsalvageable toxic relationships from your life and please know that feelings like anxiety, shame, and grief are all normal reactions when you decide to walk away.

Being in an unchanging toxic relationship can be compared to standing on broken glass. If you stay there, you will continue to experience pain as the glass keeps cutting you open. But if you decide to walk away, it doesn't mean that it will be painless, you will experience pain as you walk through the sharp pieces of glass on your way out. But after you've walked out, there's no more broken glass that's constantly cutting you, so the wounds can now finally heal.

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